It always arrive in waves. Always intruding. Always unwanted.

During sleeps of reviving. Urging me again and again to falter.

How I beg for the paralysis of my youth to flee and abandon me. Discard these dreams, remove the thoughts, destroy my wisdom.

Collect and cultivate. As weeds grow in a field. Companions are either flowers of delight or fruits of delicacy.

Let it perish. Let it wither. Let it burn to ashes before time may continue.

Another sleep, yet another dream.

Do I remain?



Whether I am there with you or not, I know you will have a blessed life. You have an aura of grace surrounding you.



5am nightmares

That these thoughts and dreams can be spawned from me is frightening..




ICHYAIS

We all get old, and if we’re lucky.. we get to die.



Asleep in my bed. Exhaustion has worn you down. I stay awake wondering, “is this a dream? Is this a dream? Is this a dream?”

Afraid only slightly to close my eyes and have myself awaken somewhere else, somewhere prior, somewhere without you.

Your skin calls to my fingertips and my lips beg for your kiss but I leave you to the sleeping dreams you create.

I’ll wait for the morning to arrive and for your eyes to welcome me back home again.



Some Girls

There are some girls that are simple to figure out..

Some girls just know how to do all the right things around you. They always make you smile. They always make you mad or frustrated. Some girls know how to kiss and fuck, while others know how to dance and sing the songs you grew up with. Some girls treat you better than you deserve. Some girls don’t treat you any good at all. Some girls will honor your vows. Some girls will disrespect your mother and for some reason you will let it slide over and over again.

And then there are girls like this one, sitting across the table from you at dinner drinking a fresh berry burst cider in an average ordinary restaurant on Saturday night.

A girl like this one that you will never figure out, a girl that will always surprise you with her reactions or her comments..

A girl like this that only comes around once in a life time unless you get as lucky as I have and find her two, three, maybe four times, and always rotating back across the infinity of space like a celestial force of nature.

A girl like this one that you will never figure out, and you hope against all intuition and all sense of self worth that you never do. You hope she remains as mysterious as the first day you saw her as a stranger, all the way down to the last.

That’s the kind of girl that makes “some girls” disappear, that’s the kind of girl that is more than just the planets and stars whom are stuck in an endless charade of a cosmic ballet, that is the gravity.

SHE is the gravity.



Radiation therapy is an ancient practice to develop a much more advanced human gene in its survivors.



I don’t want to read what I write to anyone or have them read what I have written.



Outdoors Chores

Even though we spent most the time in my room laying around napping and content in our mutual silence, the room was so quiet after you left that I felt like I was somewhere else.

Stranded.



There’s a much better person for you in this world. Someone that won’t just let you lay in bed alone. Someone that will take care of you. Someone who will provide. Someone that will motivate you to get out of bed on your own. Someone that you will want to take care of even though you feel down. Someone that will nourish your spirit so deeply you make your dreams come true.

It isn’t him.

Let him go.

You have to let him go so you can continue with your life.

Get your own phone line. Block his number. Give up the cigarettes. Give up the drugs, prescription or otherwise. Continue meditating. Focus your energy back into your studies. Reapply to schools. You can make those dreams come true. You can take care of people the way you know of but there are other ways as well.

I’ve cared for you for a very long time and I’ve loved you with every one of these damn molecules keeping me together and I just want you to be happy again.

Beyond chemical imbalance. Beyond break ups. Beyond materialism and narcotics.

Beyond apathy and ambition. Beyond the past and the silence. Beyond the sex and fucks and connections and the one time I felt you made love to me.

I said it before and I will again, I am always going to be here for you. If you push me away after these days together. I understand. And it’s cool. I’ll miss you, just like I always have but maybe it’s like how you thought it should be in the beginning when you said you had no room in your life for me, and maybe it should’ve been how I said, that you need space from him and from me, though I am barely an after thought, but you can still find me years from now …and I might have the doors to my house locked up but you know where I keep the spare.


MNFC-H

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